Often I get caught up in the drama of someone else's "issues" and feel frustration or anger rising in me.
Not long ago, someone I have to deal with on a regular basis just put me over the edge of my patience. I can't avoid that person because I have to work with them. And they have more authority than I do.
That particular day, their attitude was my last straw.
Fortunately, I have learned the lesson of keeping my mouth shut, hard as it is at those times.
I went off where I could be alone for a few minutes, and just laid my case before God. It went something like this: "Oh God! Did you see what that person did to me- and did you hear what they said???? Did you notice, by the way, that it was in front of other people and I was mortified. Fix their attitude please! I have to work with them! I wish I could retire, and then I could have peace in my life."(......mumble, whine, complain....)
Immediately, I "heard" a voice, more of a knowing, in my head that said clearly "It's not personal!"
What? Yes, it's personal to me! Ah,...a feeling I can't describe came over me. I heard a still, small voice that said "Be still, and know that I Am God." Psalms 46:10 A scripture I had memorized as a child came into my head at that moment and my frustration and anger melted.I asked God to change my attitude.
Another memory of a song written by a man from KPC, a church we belonged to in VA Beach came to mind. "Give me a soft heart,open eyes , an ear to hear what Your Spirit says." Lyle Helmick is a man who could write songs that pierced your heart, and showed you what was inside of you. I found his CD and listened over and over.
God continued my lesson in my head. "What other people do and are 'getting away' with is not your business. You are responsible for your heart's attitude; they are responsible for theirs."
Oh. My frustration deflated as a balloon does when the helium has gone out.
I see. Ok. Powerful lesson.
I began to say to myself over and over "it's not personal, it's not personal, it's not personal- until I began to believe it. I was amazed at how light my heart was, I felt joy again when I went to work, instead of dread. Because I love what I do, it's what I was created to do and I do it passionately and compassionately. It's who I am.
I found myself saying it out loud, and my director/ manager heard me. She stopped, and looked at me a moment, then grinned. "It's not personal" she repeated. I smiled back.
It has made a positive impact at my workplace on the morale of the whole unit. My manager wrote me a beautiful thank you note. It had touched her heart as well.
It wasn't me. It's what I allowed God to do in and through me. He is not finished making me into the woman of God He created me to be- right here, right now, in this place and time in history- until I die. I am willing. He is my Yaweh Shalom- God of peace.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friends
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
In today's superficial and hectic society having a friend like this is indeed rare. What a wonderful comfort it would be to know that no matter how bad your circumstances may be, you could pick up the phone and that friend would be available.
You could share the cry of your heart without fear of reprimand such as "you shouldn't feel that way."
You could talk until there were just no words left, and that friend would not interrupt you. After you had poured out your heart, they wouldn't say, "well, this is what happened to me today" or worse, "you should do this or that....." That said, you would know that they hadn't really been listening.
A true friend will sit in silence and share your grief, will cry with you, laugh with you, celebrate your joys and not be critical of the frustration you feel. But, a true friend will also speak the truth in love, and you will receive it because you can trust them.
And you will do the same for them.
It is quite a committment. It takes time. It takes energy. It is a sacrifice of love. It makes you vulnerable. It's risky. The rewards of a "soft heart" as opposed to a "hardened heart" allows your character to be molded and shaped into the man or woman of God that He has created you to be. And there is such peace and contentment in that.
Give up the hard feelings, resentment, bitterness, pain and sorrow to the God who sees and knows everything about you. Lift up your open hands and let them go. Picture the "stuff" that has anchored your soul floating as a balloon up to the heavens. Feel the freedom of trusting the God who is that unfailing Friend, who cares about every detail of your life, and will never abandon you.
In today's superficial and hectic society having a friend like this is indeed rare. What a wonderful comfort it would be to know that no matter how bad your circumstances may be, you could pick up the phone and that friend would be available.
You could share the cry of your heart without fear of reprimand such as "you shouldn't feel that way."
You could talk until there were just no words left, and that friend would not interrupt you. After you had poured out your heart, they wouldn't say, "well, this is what happened to me today" or worse, "you should do this or that....." That said, you would know that they hadn't really been listening.
A true friend will sit in silence and share your grief, will cry with you, laugh with you, celebrate your joys and not be critical of the frustration you feel. But, a true friend will also speak the truth in love, and you will receive it because you can trust them.
And you will do the same for them.
It is quite a committment. It takes time. It takes energy. It is a sacrifice of love. It makes you vulnerable. It's risky. The rewards of a "soft heart" as opposed to a "hardened heart" allows your character to be molded and shaped into the man or woman of God that He has created you to be. And there is such peace and contentment in that.
Give up the hard feelings, resentment, bitterness, pain and sorrow to the God who sees and knows everything about you. Lift up your open hands and let them go. Picture the "stuff" that has anchored your soul floating as a balloon up to the heavens. Feel the freedom of trusting the God who is that unfailing Friend, who cares about every detail of your life, and will never abandon you.
And perhaps you will be blessed to also find a human friend, who will be "Jesus with skin on" who will remind you of these things when you can't see beyond you current situation.Someone who can "sing the song back to you, when you have forgotten the words."
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Help!
Have you ever been in the grip of crippling depression? It sucks the very breath out of you. It pierces your heart and makes you unable to think, process information, function.
Because of the hope I have in the God of creation, these episodes don't last as long as they used to. The Bible verses I have memorized since childhood "pop" into my brain just when I need them. It reminds me of a line from a movie "Gifted Hands" about a pediatric neurosurgeon from Johns Hopkins medical Center named Ben Carson. His mother told him as he studied and studied "You don't need the book. The book is inside you!"
I am grateful for having memorized scripture verses. The book IS inside me, and when dark days come, God speaks to me in my inmost being to give me hope.
As I walked my dog this morning, the verse "I will lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.......the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now, and forevermore." Psalms 121: 1-8
So, I lifted my eyes and I SAW : A magnificent blue heron catch a fish and eat it, a pelican circle and dive into the water after a fish (I secretly prayed for him to catch one, but he didn't =), a cormorant on the shore with wings stretched out to dry in the sun, two snowy white egrets take flight and sail into the cloudless blue sky. I heard the hawk's cry and the call of the flock of Black Hooded Conures coming to the feeder in my back yard. (they LOVE black oil sunflower seeds= ) And I pondered the wonder of a family of four Bald Eagles who have apparently take up residence somewhere in the field by the river in my back yard! Never in my wildest dreams have ever dreamed I would live in such a place. And my heart was filled anew with the awe of God, who created this world and everything in it intricately detailed and designed for us to enjoy with Him.
Let everything that has breath, praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6
Because of the hope I have in the God of creation, these episodes don't last as long as they used to. The Bible verses I have memorized since childhood "pop" into my brain just when I need them. It reminds me of a line from a movie "Gifted Hands" about a pediatric neurosurgeon from Johns Hopkins medical Center named Ben Carson. His mother told him as he studied and studied "You don't need the book. The book is inside you!"
I am grateful for having memorized scripture verses. The book IS inside me, and when dark days come, God speaks to me in my inmost being to give me hope.
As I walked my dog this morning, the verse "I will lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.......the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now, and forevermore." Psalms 121: 1-8
So, I lifted my eyes and I SAW : A magnificent blue heron catch a fish and eat it, a pelican circle and dive into the water after a fish (I secretly prayed for him to catch one, but he didn't =), a cormorant on the shore with wings stretched out to dry in the sun, two snowy white egrets take flight and sail into the cloudless blue sky. I heard the hawk's cry and the call of the flock of Black Hooded Conures coming to the feeder in my back yard. (they LOVE black oil sunflower seeds= ) And I pondered the wonder of a family of four Bald Eagles who have apparently take up residence somewhere in the field by the river in my back yard! Never in my wildest dreams have ever dreamed I would live in such a place. And my heart was filled anew with the awe of God, who created this world and everything in it intricately detailed and designed for us to enjoy with Him.
Let everything that has breath, praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
"normal"
Recently a good friend said to me that she hoped things would return to normal soon.
So, what is "normal" anyway? Looking back on my life "normal" was specific to the years or times when "routine" became "normal" for awhile. It was comfortable and predictable. I liked it that way.
But it never stays that way for very long, does it?
There are more times now than ever before in my life when I feel that I have been stretched too far and will break at any moment. I cry out to God that I can't stretch any farther. I am breaking.
And patiently He gives me the grace to go through another trial. I know that it is at those times when my faith, my trust in Him grows stronger. And I am reminded again that my hope will be fulfilled when my life here is over.
I have to let go of my belief that I can control the circumstances in my life. I have to open my hands and lift up my will to the One who gave me this life and put me in this place, right here, right now for ".......such a time as this." (Esther 4: 14)
Deuteronomy 31:8 "But Adonai (The Lord God) - it is He who will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you, so don't be afraid or downhearted."
Thank God that He never changes.
Hebrews 13:8 "Yeshua the Messiah (Jesus the Christ) is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
So, what is "normal" anyway? Looking back on my life "normal" was specific to the years or times when "routine" became "normal" for awhile. It was comfortable and predictable. I liked it that way.
But it never stays that way for very long, does it?
There are more times now than ever before in my life when I feel that I have been stretched too far and will break at any moment. I cry out to God that I can't stretch any farther. I am breaking.
And patiently He gives me the grace to go through another trial. I know that it is at those times when my faith, my trust in Him grows stronger. And I am reminded again that my hope will be fulfilled when my life here is over.
I have to let go of my belief that I can control the circumstances in my life. I have to open my hands and lift up my will to the One who gave me this life and put me in this place, right here, right now for ".......such a time as this." (Esther 4: 14)
Deuteronomy 31:8 "But Adonai (The Lord God) - it is He who will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you, so don't be afraid or downhearted."
Thank God that He never changes.
Hebrews 13:8 "Yeshua the Messiah (Jesus the Christ) is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
Friday, February 4, 2011
Faith is trust
Faith. Simple word. I was raised in a Christian home, so faith was always familiar.
But what is faith? I recently was given a copy of the Complete Jewish Bible to add to my reference material.
In it I have discovered more understanding of the Hebrew mindset and intent of the familiar verses I have in my memory bank. But what does it really mean?
"Trust" is the translation's chosen word. And I can understand trust. Determining that you completely rely on a specific thing- such as a bridge to get you across a river, or a person/ friend who you can share your most intimate thoughts with. You trust the bridge will get you safely across. You trust that your friend will keep your secrets safe and not criticize, judge or condemn you; will allow you the freedom to be who you are. Will give advice if asked, will remain silent if you need a sympathetic ear.
God is that Friend. The best part is knowing I can always find Him- He is always with me, and I know He cares.
Even though I go through hard times, emotional turmoils, ecstatic joy, fear, doubt, disabling depression; I TRUST Him. Romans 8:28 "God works ALL things together for the good of those who TURST Him and are called according to His purpose." (NIV)Even when I don't see beyond my failings or the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know He can see the whole picture of my life. I know He is orchestrating everything to work out for good. Even if I die without seeing the fulfilment of my hope, I trust Him.
But what is faith? I recently was given a copy of the Complete Jewish Bible to add to my reference material.
In it I have discovered more understanding of the Hebrew mindset and intent of the familiar verses I have in my memory bank. But what does it really mean?
"Trust" is the translation's chosen word. And I can understand trust. Determining that you completely rely on a specific thing- such as a bridge to get you across a river, or a person/ friend who you can share your most intimate thoughts with. You trust the bridge will get you safely across. You trust that your friend will keep your secrets safe and not criticize, judge or condemn you; will allow you the freedom to be who you are. Will give advice if asked, will remain silent if you need a sympathetic ear.
God is that Friend. The best part is knowing I can always find Him- He is always with me, and I know He cares.
Even though I go through hard times, emotional turmoils, ecstatic joy, fear, doubt, disabling depression; I TRUST Him. Romans 8:28 "God works ALL things together for the good of those who TURST Him and are called according to His purpose." (NIV)Even when I don't see beyond my failings or the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know He can see the whole picture of my life. I know He is orchestrating everything to work out for good. Even if I die without seeing the fulfilment of my hope, I trust Him.
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