Good morning from a "chilly" (for us = ) south central Florida. It was 48 this morning, but is supposed go up to 75 this afternoon. My little Yorkie, Ashley, refused to go for her morning walk in the cold outdoors. (Where did I put that fur-lined suede jacket of hers....)
I receive a daily devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministry. Their messages continue to pierce my heart as if God is speaking directly to me through the words of their posting.
This morning’s devotion really called me on the carpet yet again.
I have been going through a maze of intense health issues in my life since early March of this year. Each week or two I am required to undergo more testing, or see yet another specialist to determine a course of treatment that will stabilize my health so I can get back to some semblance of "normalcy” in my life.
Yesterday I received more unexpected news and it was momentarily more than I could accept. I wept briefly as I presented paperwork to my boss describing new physical limitations that my doctor has set for my well-being. I am stubbornly refusing to put them into practice at this time. The new boundaries or "fences" that have been erected to restrict my activities cause me to slam my body against them in protest. I haven't exhausted my energy to push against them just yet. Adrenalin can give you amazing stamina for an extended period of time. I am reminded of the stages of grief. I guess I am between the disbelief, anger, and despair that so readily overwhelms me when I dwell, even briefly, on my own issues instead of worshiping my Creator. The bottom line is always that I do trust the One who steadfastly "works ALL things together for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:28.
I desperately want to continue to work. I love my job. I am a nurse who works in a hospital labor and delivery unit. We also care for women with GYN issues and surgical needs. I have some amazing opportunities to minister to women while they are experiencing intense situations such labor, the inexpressible joy of seeing the miracle of a new life begin, or the heartache of loss of a much wanted child. I am drawn to comfort those women who have undergone disfiguring cancer surgery and are facing an unknown future. I love to listen to those who just need to put into words the thoughts that they are afraid to say out loud to their families. I long to speak encouraging words to others about what my Lord has comforted me with during my own times of trials. I also have the privilege of working with a wonderful team of nurses who have enriched my life and helped influence my own philosophy of nursing.
God has been speaking to me for some time now to "Be still and know that I AM God." Psalms 46:10. I have heard it over and over but not yet listened and acted upon those instructions. The message has gotten louder and more frequent. I know I need to, yet I keep putting it off for "someday....", "I am working on organizing my life to make it simpler so that I can........." and other lame excuses such as those.
Perhaps God is taking it out of my hands. My busy life is being redirected. The ability I have to control over what I do each day is slipping away. Will I "Be still...." and listen now? As a friend of mine used to say, "Why did God have to go and give us a free will anyway? Doesn't He know it will get us into trouble?"
I think it's about character building. Self-control is easier when someone else should be doing it. To be honest, everything is easier when I feel someone else needs to change their life. When it comes to me, I have a much harder time accepting instruction from the Lord when I hear a sermon or message that I just know that "so and so" really needs to hear this. Why is that? Here is what my usual thought process is: hmmmmm......b'aaa........lalala...."I'm plugging my ears, Lord"........”I don't have time right now”......later....... “Oh. You're speaking to me?” “ Really? You mean,....... right NOW?” “But………..”, “oh”…..........sigh.........”ok. I will let it go. I will lift up my hands to you and surrender...... again." I admit that most times the process is getting shorter, but it continues nonetheless.
I do know that God is calling me to do more writing. I had started blogging at the recommendation of friends. I am working on two books that I haven't had time to fine tune. So, I definitely need to make that a priority now.
The usual hyperactivity of my lifestyle must be surrendered to the leading of my Heavenly Father. Ugh. Not an easy thing. In my mind I am as young and capable as I was years ago. My body, however, does not respond to the whims of my brain.....sigh. I often thank God that He has never given up on me and He accepts me just as I am. (I do have a fun sense of humor, and sometimes I just can't help bubbling over with funny little things that bring smiles to people. I love being "free to me me" as Francesca Battistelli sings in one of my favorite songs.
It is time to get started on what I need to do. No more putting it off…..at least for today.
Dear Lord, forgive my rebellion, my procrastination and my disobedience. Thank you yet again for not giving up on me. I love You, Lord, and I lift my life to worship You and serve You with it. Please help me to be a blessing to someone today. Amen.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thoughts on aging: it's not for sissies!
I finally have to confess that there is more to aging than I care to admit.
Understandably, my brain still thinks I can do whatever my 20ish year old body used to do. My body is beginning to rebel and it refuses to cooperate. There-in lies my problem.
My fifty- something (stop laughing fellow senior citizens) body needs tuning up. I need to plug myself into a computer to diagnose my problem; ( like, you know, when you get your car repaired.)
I saw my doctor today. I left with an instruction card from her, i.e.: a "to do" list.
It includes these items.
1) Don't rest too much; your joints will get stiff
2) Get plenty of rest or your joints will hurt (see number 1)
3) Swimming exercise is best. (Couldn't she have ordered a hot tub instead?)
4) Eat healthy foods (define 'healthy'?)
a) Foods grown en masse today have less nutritive value than you need.
b) M&Ms are not a food group, but chocolate is = )
5) Take supplements (see number 4a)
6) start taking C0-Q 10 because your collagen and elastin decrease as you age making your muscle fibers less flexible. This comes in an easy to swallow 'soft gel' It's big enough to choke a horse. If I can swallow this does that mean I will become like a thorough-bred racing machine?
7) Take Glucosamine and Chondroitin with MSM for collagen and joint health (I really like msg. It tastes good to me. What's all the fuss about?)
a) MSM: methylsulfonylmethane. Sounds like the end product of a cow. Wonder if I can get that from a hamburger?
b) Shake well. May be mixed with water or juice. Translation: it does not taste good!
c) It's a 33.8 ounce bottle. It has a one ounce (little bitty) measuring cap. You need two hands to 'shake' and a third to hold the darn cup. How fast do you have to pour it after you 'shake well' to be sure it's still well shaken?
8) Take antidepressant so that you will be happy that your body doesn't work as well as you want it to.
9) Tim's suggestion: get Ginkgo Biloba so I won't forget to take the supplements, exercise and eat healthy.
a) how do I remember to take the Ginko? I bought some once……..no idea where it went
b) If I don't remember all the "to dos" I will forget that I have problems! Duh!
Quoting Roy Rodgers and Dale Evans "Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again!"
10) Don't EVEN tell me that you don't know who they are. If you don’t, then you have no business reading this! = ))
Understandably, my brain still thinks I can do whatever my 20ish year old body used to do. My body is beginning to rebel and it refuses to cooperate. There-in lies my problem.
My fifty- something (stop laughing fellow senior citizens) body needs tuning up. I need to plug myself into a computer to diagnose my problem; ( like, you know, when you get your car repaired.)
I saw my doctor today. I left with an instruction card from her, i.e.: a "to do" list.
It includes these items.
1) Don't rest too much; your joints will get stiff
2) Get plenty of rest or your joints will hurt (see number 1)
3) Swimming exercise is best. (Couldn't she have ordered a hot tub instead?)
4) Eat healthy foods (define 'healthy'?)
a) Foods grown en masse today have less nutritive value than you need.
b) M&Ms are not a food group, but chocolate is = )
5) Take supplements (see number 4a)
6) start taking C0-Q 10 because your collagen and elastin decrease as you age making your muscle fibers less flexible. This comes in an easy to swallow 'soft gel' It's big enough to choke a horse. If I can swallow this does that mean I will become like a thorough-bred racing machine?
7) Take Glucosamine and Chondroitin with MSM for collagen and joint health (I really like msg. It tastes good to me. What's all the fuss about?)
a) MSM: methylsulfonylmethane. Sounds like the end product of a cow. Wonder if I can get that from a hamburger?
b) Shake well. May be mixed with water or juice. Translation: it does not taste good!
c) It's a 33.8 ounce bottle. It has a one ounce (little bitty) measuring cap. You need two hands to 'shake' and a third to hold the darn cup. How fast do you have to pour it after you 'shake well' to be sure it's still well shaken?
8) Take antidepressant so that you will be happy that your body doesn't work as well as you want it to.
9) Tim's suggestion: get Ginkgo Biloba so I won't forget to take the supplements, exercise and eat healthy.
a) how do I remember to take the Ginko? I bought some once……..no idea where it went
b) If I don't remember all the "to dos" I will forget that I have problems! Duh!
Quoting Roy Rodgers and Dale Evans "Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again!"
10) Don't EVEN tell me that you don't know who they are. If you don’t, then you have no business reading this! = ))
Monday, June 20, 2011
Why?
Why does God allow tragedies, illness and sorrow?
Recently my dear friend Jan passed away. Her faith was unsurpassed by anyone else I know. She had incredible discernment and amazing wisdom. She had a way of making everyone she met feel special. Jan freely told strangers, friends and family about her precious Savior, and led many to the Lord. She was a gracious and generous lady. Jan was also a slightly framed but strong and determined woman.
Jan's daughter, Judy, told a delightful story about her mom. Many years ago Jan was late getting to the airport and actually ran out on the tarmac to stop an airplane that had closed its doors and was pulling away from the terminal. She was not about to miss her flight to see one of her daughters get married. Jan stood in front of the plane with luggage in hand waving frantically.The amazed pilot actually stopped the plane, lowered the steps and allowed Jan and Judy to get on. Judy told us that Jan held her head high while they walked down the aisle and found their seats. She then leaned over to her daughter and said "I bet they think we're celebrities."
I could actually picture her doing that!
Jan searched the Bible for verses about healing. She wrote them down and kept reading them over and over to herself and to anyone who came to visit her. I prayed fervently for her. I asked God to heal her because her faith was absolute and she really wanted to be healed. But in only three months her physical health deteriorated almost daily. Jan prayed that she would live to see all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren accept her Savior's free gift of salvation so that some day she and her husband Herb would live with them in heaven for all eternity.
One day when I prayed, I recalled the memory of the cloud formations that I had seen while I was lying in a hospital bed the same weekend that Jan became ill and was subsequently diagnosed with cancer. I looked out the window that day and saw perfect cloud formations of three little girls running to and being embraced by a kneeling, smiling Jesus. There was a rainbow-shaped cut out in the clouds above them. Behind Him were two disciples who were each releasing a fish back into the water. Moments later, where I had seen Jesus, there appeared one beautiful angel. I pondered what I had seen for several weeks. I was perplexed because it was so clear. If someone else had described what I had seen I would have had a hard time believing it. I wrote it down in a journal that I keep so that I would never forget. Jill, another friend, had also been taken to a hospital emergency room that weekend with a serious condition. I was unaware of what was happening to them during the five days I was hospitalized.
Weeks later while I was praying I suddenly got the impression that one of the three of us would be taken home to heaven. The other two would have to continue their lives here on earth until their purpose was fulfilled. I didn't know which one of us it would be. I didn't want it to be true. I felt a heavy burden in my heart. I prayed harder and sought out Bible references for answers to my questions.
I read John 11:1-44. It tells the story of Jesus and Lazarus.
In verse 37 it says that "some of those in the crowd were saying 'could not He who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"
Verse 21 reads: "Martha said to Jesus, "Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you." Jesus said "Your brother will rise again." Martha said "I know that he will rise again at the resurrection on the last day."
Verse 25 says: "Jesus said to Martha "I am the resurrection and the life. He who puts his trust in me will live, even though he dies. And everyone living and trusting in me will never die. Do you believe this" She said to Him 'yes Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah…"
I believe that God could have healed my friend. I don't know why he didn't. I do know that God knows each individual, the entire world's population, and is orchestrating the interwoven canvass of our lives to fulfill His purpose for creating each one of us. We as humans can only see what concerns ours individual lives in this moment of time. I believe that "God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28.
Faith is accepting without having to understand.
I promised Jan that I would continue to pray as we had prayed together, for healing of relationships in our families, for our children and grandchildren and her great-grandchildren. I know that God gently brought Jan to her heavenly home and she is rejoicing with Herb in His presence. The rest of us will continue our life here until it is our turn to enter eternity.
Recently my dear friend Jan passed away. Her faith was unsurpassed by anyone else I know. She had incredible discernment and amazing wisdom. She had a way of making everyone she met feel special. Jan freely told strangers, friends and family about her precious Savior, and led many to the Lord. She was a gracious and generous lady. Jan was also a slightly framed but strong and determined woman.
Jan's daughter, Judy, told a delightful story about her mom. Many years ago Jan was late getting to the airport and actually ran out on the tarmac to stop an airplane that had closed its doors and was pulling away from the terminal. She was not about to miss her flight to see one of her daughters get married. Jan stood in front of the plane with luggage in hand waving frantically.The amazed pilot actually stopped the plane, lowered the steps and allowed Jan and Judy to get on. Judy told us that Jan held her head high while they walked down the aisle and found their seats. She then leaned over to her daughter and said "I bet they think we're celebrities."
I could actually picture her doing that!
Jan searched the Bible for verses about healing. She wrote them down and kept reading them over and over to herself and to anyone who came to visit her. I prayed fervently for her. I asked God to heal her because her faith was absolute and she really wanted to be healed. But in only three months her physical health deteriorated almost daily. Jan prayed that she would live to see all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren accept her Savior's free gift of salvation so that some day she and her husband Herb would live with them in heaven for all eternity.
One day when I prayed, I recalled the memory of the cloud formations that I had seen while I was lying in a hospital bed the same weekend that Jan became ill and was subsequently diagnosed with cancer. I looked out the window that day and saw perfect cloud formations of three little girls running to and being embraced by a kneeling, smiling Jesus. There was a rainbow-shaped cut out in the clouds above them. Behind Him were two disciples who were each releasing a fish back into the water. Moments later, where I had seen Jesus, there appeared one beautiful angel. I pondered what I had seen for several weeks. I was perplexed because it was so clear. If someone else had described what I had seen I would have had a hard time believing it. I wrote it down in a journal that I keep so that I would never forget. Jill, another friend, had also been taken to a hospital emergency room that weekend with a serious condition. I was unaware of what was happening to them during the five days I was hospitalized.
I read John 11:1-44. It tells the story of Jesus and Lazarus.
In verse 37 it says that "some of those in the crowd were saying 'could not He who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"
Verse 21 reads: "Martha said to Jesus, "Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you." Jesus said "Your brother will rise again." Martha said "I know that he will rise again at the resurrection on the last day."
Faith is accepting without having to understand.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
roots in the sand
This week I have been out in my yard pulling weeds. They are tough. I have resorted to spraying chemicals on the weeds to kill them, then ripping them out of the ground after they turn brown and pretend to die. Inevitably I watch their remnants and new weeds spring up to take their places.
When we first moved to Florida I discovered to my horror that the ground consisted of s-a-n-d! It is not soil or clay. It is not absorbent. Water does not soak in, it runs off. If there is no vegetation to collect it the ground remains dry beneath the surface. Guess what grows well? W-e-e-d-s!
I have discovered something interesting. Native plants have the ability to thrive in the sand because they have deep roots. If you dig through the sand far enough you will eventually come to solid ground. It may be one to three feet deep but if you keep digging you will find it.
Those plants that grow well in Florida are adapted to the harsh conditions. Native foliage has the ability to live in the desert like heat, survive torrential summer storms, and endure occasional hurricane force winds and the sporadic frosts of winter. The survivors have deep roots. When adverse conditions come, they may be wounded but they will survive, become stronger and grow deeper roots.
I understand that it is not wise to build a house on sandy soil. Living in the unstable shifting sand of this world and having deep roots in the soil of God's word enables you to be a survivor.
Ephesians 3:14-19 "For this reason I fall on my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth receives its character. I pray that from the treasures of His glory He will empower you with inner strength by His spirit so that the Messiah may live in your hearts through your trusting. Also I pray that you will be rooted and grounded in love, so that you with all God's people will be given strength to grasp the breadth, length, height and depth of the Messiah's love, yes to know it, even though it is beyond all knowing so that you will be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who by His power working in us is able to do beyond anything we can ask and imagine, to Him be the glory."
Now, go strengthen your roots = )
When we first moved to Florida I discovered to my horror that the ground consisted of s-a-n-d! It is not soil or clay. It is not absorbent. Water does not soak in, it runs off. If there is no vegetation to collect it the ground remains dry beneath the surface. Guess what grows well? W-e-e-d-s!
I have discovered something interesting. Native plants have the ability to thrive in the sand because they have deep roots. If you dig through the sand far enough you will eventually come to solid ground. It may be one to three feet deep but if you keep digging you will find it.
Those plants that grow well in Florida are adapted to the harsh conditions. Native foliage has the ability to live in the desert like heat, survive torrential summer storms, and endure occasional hurricane force winds and the sporadic frosts of winter. The survivors have deep roots. When adverse conditions come, they may be wounded but they will survive, become stronger and grow deeper roots.
I understand that it is not wise to build a house on sandy soil. Living in the unstable shifting sand of this world and having deep roots in the soil of God's word enables you to be a survivor.
Ephesians 3:14-19 "For this reason I fall on my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth receives its character. I pray that from the treasures of His glory He will empower you with inner strength by His spirit so that the Messiah may live in your hearts through your trusting. Also I pray that you will be rooted and grounded in love, so that you with all God's people will be given strength to grasp the breadth, length, height and depth of the Messiah's love, yes to know it, even though it is beyond all knowing so that you will be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who by His power working in us is able to do beyond anything we can ask and imagine, to Him be the glory."
Now, go strengthen your roots = )
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
On Being a Clay Pot
Pots tend to crack or break if they are used. Many hazzards lurk around a pot that is taken from a glass enclosed display cabinet. It may get cracked when bumped against another pot, when used in the oven or placed in the freezer. It may get chipped or broken when dropped. But, there is no good use for the pot if it is only to be admired.
When the pot gets broken the pieces can get glued back together, but the cracks will still be visable. Notice I didn't say "if."
Jan, a dear friend of mine, once told me that we are "broken vessels." She went on to say that God's light will shine through the cracks in our "broken vessels."
2 Corinthians 4:6-9 "For it is the God who once said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' who has made His light shine in our hearts, the light of the knowledge of God's glory shining in the face of Jesus The Messiah.
But we have this treasure in clay jars so that it will be evident that such overwhelming power comes from God and not from us.
We have all kinds of troubles, but we are not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, yet not abandoned; knocked down, yet not destroyed."
I can certainly relate to that broken, cracked pot. Life is hard. No 'ifs,' 'ands' or 'buts' about it.
I do want the light of the God of love to shine through me. Sometimes I have to remind myself. Sometimes I totally forget. Sometimes another "crack" may appear and I will remember.
Ugh. Will I ever have my "clay pot" all together? I thank God often that He doesn't and won't ever give up on me. He keeps putting the pieces back together and He keeps on using me.
I have determined that each day I wake up, as long as I am alive for another day, I want to be used by God to touch the life of at least one person and be a blessing to another broken vessel; just like me!
When the pot gets broken the pieces can get glued back together, but the cracks will still be visable. Notice I didn't say "if."
Jan, a dear friend of mine, once told me that we are "broken vessels." She went on to say that God's light will shine through the cracks in our "broken vessels."
2 Corinthians 4:6-9 "For it is the God who once said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' who has made His light shine in our hearts, the light of the knowledge of God's glory shining in the face of Jesus The Messiah.
But we have this treasure in clay jars so that it will be evident that such overwhelming power comes from God and not from us.
We have all kinds of troubles, but we are not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, yet not abandoned; knocked down, yet not destroyed."
I can certainly relate to that broken, cracked pot. Life is hard. No 'ifs,' 'ands' or 'buts' about it.
I do want the light of the God of love to shine through me. Sometimes I have to remind myself. Sometimes I totally forget. Sometimes another "crack" may appear and I will remember.
Ugh. Will I ever have my "clay pot" all together? I thank God often that He doesn't and won't ever give up on me. He keeps putting the pieces back together and He keeps on using me.
I have determined that each day I wake up, as long as I am alive for another day, I want to be used by God to touch the life of at least one person and be a blessing to another broken vessel; just like me!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Mother's Day
Forty one years ago I became a mother for the very first time. My first Mother's Day. It was a beautiful morning as I watched the sunrise while in the recovery room. That was before they allowed the family centered birth experience. Subsequently my husband and I had two more children. God knew what He was doing when He gave us three girls. We we now have twelve grandchildren and half of them are boys. Wow, my hat is off to mothers of young children today especially boys. What energy, wisdom, flexibility and quick thinking skills they have to have!
It is through being a parent that I have learned about the love and wisdom of a God who is the ultimate parent. I have felt the exhuberating joy of watching our girls grow up and cheering them on! I have felt the heartache of trying to guide them through those years by sharing with them some things I had learned from poor choices that I had made. I thought I could prevent them from making some of their own. I had to stand by and watch as they made mistakes, were injured, failed in their goals or had hearts broken.
Hugs and bandages can help injuries heal. A broken heart can not be so easily mended. It may survive but it bears the scars and lives with the pain of the memories left behind.
How much more does God rejoice over our triumphs and feel sorrow for our rejection of our Creator and Savior. He gives us the key to wisdom, knowledge and understanding in the Scriptures? It is worth volumes of preventative instruction if we would only learn from the lessons of those who have gone before us.
A child's rejection of their parents brings unbearable heartache. It is a wound that may be bound up but never healed this side of heaven. I say this with the knowledge of experience. It is tremdously grievious, gut wrenching and heart rending to lose a child. It is harder still to lose grandchildren.
I implore you to be sensitive to listen to what God is saying to you. Read His words to you in the Bible. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I Am God." Pray. There is a song by a man named Lyle Helmick that has these words: "give me a soft heart, open eyes, an ear to hear what Your Spirit says.....prepare me, Lord, to go where I am led...Teach my ears to hear You, through Your eyes to see, teach my mouth to praise You, teach my heart to sing!"
We have a choice when sorrows come our way, and they will. We get to choose whether we will allow them to make us better or bitter, soft hearted or heardened. Pain is inevitable, suffering it is optional. Sharing your pain dilutes it and helps you to bear the unbearable. The best way I found was to get into a Bible teaching church, become part of a small group community in that church and allow God to use other people to share your pain and help bind those wounds. Pay attention and watch for the little miracles along the way. Don't miss out on them by focusing all your attention on waiting for "the big one."
There is so much wisdom, knowledge and understanding to be gained! Do not reject Him today. Tomorrow may be too late.
It is through being a parent that I have learned about the love and wisdom of a God who is the ultimate parent. I have felt the exhuberating joy of watching our girls grow up and cheering them on! I have felt the heartache of trying to guide them through those years by sharing with them some things I had learned from poor choices that I had made. I thought I could prevent them from making some of their own. I had to stand by and watch as they made mistakes, were injured, failed in their goals or had hearts broken.
Hugs and bandages can help injuries heal. A broken heart can not be so easily mended. It may survive but it bears the scars and lives with the pain of the memories left behind.
How much more does God rejoice over our triumphs and feel sorrow for our rejection of our Creator and Savior. He gives us the key to wisdom, knowledge and understanding in the Scriptures? It is worth volumes of preventative instruction if we would only learn from the lessons of those who have gone before us.
A child's rejection of their parents brings unbearable heartache. It is a wound that may be bound up but never healed this side of heaven. I say this with the knowledge of experience. It is tremdously grievious, gut wrenching and heart rending to lose a child. It is harder still to lose grandchildren.
I implore you to be sensitive to listen to what God is saying to you. Read His words to you in the Bible. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I Am God." Pray. There is a song by a man named Lyle Helmick that has these words: "give me a soft heart, open eyes, an ear to hear what Your Spirit says.....prepare me, Lord, to go where I am led...Teach my ears to hear You, through Your eyes to see, teach my mouth to praise You, teach my heart to sing!"
We have a choice when sorrows come our way, and they will. We get to choose whether we will allow them to make us better or bitter, soft hearted or heardened. Pain is inevitable, suffering it is optional. Sharing your pain dilutes it and helps you to bear the unbearable. The best way I found was to get into a Bible teaching church, become part of a small group community in that church and allow God to use other people to share your pain and help bind those wounds. Pay attention and watch for the little miracles along the way. Don't miss out on them by focusing all your attention on waiting for "the big one."
There is so much wisdom, knowledge and understanding to be gained! Do not reject Him today. Tomorrow may be too late.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
oops....
If you got a "new" posting from me within the last couple of days it is the finished edited entry. A previous draft was sent out accidently. I'm sorry that it happened that way. But I did learn from the experience = ))
Friday, April 29, 2011
patients
First of all, I want to encourage you to erase two words from your vocabulary: always and never.
I have said numerous times that I would "never" go to the emergency room. I have explicitly instructed my family and my co-workers to respect that wish. I would "always" know how to take care of myself and I have a wonderful doctor if I should need her.
I recently had to visit the emergency room at the hospital where I work. I was so ill that I had to be admitted for treatment.
I honestly remember very little of those five days. At times the pain, nausea and dizzyness were so bad I just wanted to lie still with my eyes closed. When a nurse would give me pain medicine I drifted in and out of reality. At the time I didn't care.
I was never afraid. I know Jesus was right with me because I saw him. When that first morning dawned I was moved from the emergency room to a room on the third floor. My husband left for awhile to go home and take a shower. I was alone waiting to be taken for a CT scan.
I watched out the window as dawn broke. It was a beautiful day. The skies changed from pale pink hues to soft blue with puffy white clouds. The lights had been turned off because of my severe headache. A nurse came into my room and asked if I wanted the blinds closed. I declined. I hate being inside and having the blinds drawn in the daytime. When I am working most of my patients keep their rooms darkened. It makes me feel like I am in a cave and unable to tell if it's day or night.
I turned on my side and looked at the sky. It was a beautiful day. I just remember telling God that I knew He was with me, and praying for the pain, nausea and dizziness to stop.
I looked out the window at the fluffy clouds. In the right lower quarter of the window I saw a perfectly formed picture of Jesus reaching for three beautiful little girls. They had their arms stretched out towards him as well. They were all smiling. Directly behind them were two fishermen who resembled disciples. Their hands were reaching out in the oposite direction and they were each releasing a fish back into the water. I remember thinking how odd that was. Directly over Jesus and the girls was a cloud formation with a rainbow shape cut out of the middle of it. When I looked back down at the first pictures I had seen they were gone. Then in the middle of the window appeared a perfect "Precious Moments" little girl angel. As I continued to watch closely an aligator appeared in the upper left corner of the window, then a wolf facing him. I closed my eyes tightly and said to myself "I am done watching this!"
I turned away from the window then. I wonder what I missed by turning away?
The CT scan was done, a spinal tap, x-rays, blood tests, MRI, another CT, an echocardiogram and more blood tests.
Sometime on Sunday as I watched a nurse take my vital signs I noticed that the pulse oximeter reading was consistantly low. Instead of the normal 97%-100% it showed a reading in the 80- 90% range. Odd, I thought. It must be a mistake.
As the day went on, I was given an inspirometer to encourage me to take deep breaths. I regularly teach my patients how to use it correctly and "no problem," I thought. I could not take a deep breath. By 4:30 PM I was placed on oxygen but the reading remained low. My mind struggled to work through the fog of pain and pain medicine. I began to feel alarmed. I wondered how long a person could remain hypoxic without permanent damage to the brain and vital organs. When the night nurse came in to check vital signs I saw the oxygen saturation was now 78%. She scolded me that I had better start using the inspirometer. I tried again but could not take a deep breath.I told her I couldn't breathe. She said she would check on me in a little while and added "well, you're talking, so you're breathing." Tim, my friend Ann and her husband were with me at the time and they also heard the conversation. I didn't imagine it.
I rationalized in my mind that when someone is hypoxic they tend to be irritable and anxious which I definitely was! So I took matters into my own hands and frantically tried to think of someone who could help me. I called the nursing unit I work on, labor and delivery, and told the charge nurse that I needed help. Meanwhile Tim had gone out to the nurses station to find someone to help me.
Within minutes Sheila was in my room, evaluated the situation and left. Soon after that she returned with the Nursing Supervisor and one of my doctors who just happened to be nearby. Dr K came into the room followed by a respiratory therapist. After two nebulizer treatments were given I was transferred to ICU. Thankfully after appropriate care and meds were given I began to breathe much better.
That night I heard the most wonderful music playing softly in the background. I recognized hymns, choruses, old Negro Spirituals, and contemporary Christian music. Sometimes there were voices singing, sometimes just instrumental music. I asked two nurses and a tech to tell me where it was coming from, but they kept saying "there isn't any music." Then I realized where it came from and smiled. After graduation from ICU I remember lifting my head a bit to listen when they took me to another room to see if the music followed me and it was there.
I had felt peace during the days of sickness prior to, and the five days of hospitalization. Well, to be honest there was some frustration because I am a nurse. I love helping people and taking care of them. I don't like to be the patient. I had yet another opportunity to learn to cease striving, lift my open hands to God and trust Him to "work all things together for my good" Romans 8:28 I yielded my control of the situation that I never really had. It does no good to refute the purposes of God anyway, right?
I never felt angry because I was sick. I remember people having said "why me?" when something bad happened. "Well, why NOT me?" is a quote I have heard by Joni Erickson-Tada about her spinal injury resulting in quadriplegia. Life happens. It is not up to us to "tell God " how we want our life to go. It is the Master Potter who takes our "clay" and molds it into a vessel which will accomplish the purpose for which we have been created. I know that in times of testing I have come through stronger and felt even closer to God. This was no exception. I did pray when I was able to. Mostly I prayed for the pain to go away. I know He honored those prayers and that He heard your prayers on my behalf as well. Two times when I was sleeping I felt an evil presence and could see menacing shadowy figures gathering around my bed. I did not feel fear. I was annoyed. I rebuked their sorry butts and called out for Jesus. They disappeared.
I believe this was a joint trial for all of us and those who were praying for me are awesome warriors in prayer and faith!!!!
I truely believe that this age is drawing to a close and Satan is fighting for all he is worth because he knows it. I am facinated as I read the prophets, the minor prophets, Genesis, John, and Revelation about God's plan for redemption. After our small group had studied about the Sacrificial system, the Feasts and the Old and New Covenant I began to realize how much Jesus actually did for us to complete our redemtion. It is priceless. I am so amazed by it that I can't explain.I am in awe of a God who is above and beyond anything we could ever imagine with our human understanding. I hope this doesn't sound trite. I am very humbled and inexpressably greatful.
Isaiah 40:12 "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? " NIV
We serve a BIG God. We SERVE a big God. He is not here so that He can grant us every wish and whim or for us to "advise" Him about what we think He should do. His plan is so much bigger than our little sphere of an "it's all about me" world. He is painting the master piece when we can only see what's directly in front of us.
Now, do I believe God can heal? Absolutely. He does heal. He has intervened in my life and many others that I know of. Is He willing? I believe He sometimes is, but I also believe sometimes He has a higher purpose. When we pray sometimes He gives us what we ask for much as a parent will give in to a child that keeps asking over and over for something. Even if the parent knows that it isn't in the best interest of the child they relent and hope the child will learn from their mistakes and poor choices. Those of you who are in "Sister Chicks" know the expression "how many times will we go around that mountain before we let God move us onward in our walk?" (Israell in the Desert for 40 years) I beleive that God delivers His people from trials sometimes, and sometimes He chooses to walk through trials with us. "When thou passest through the waters, I [will be] with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." (for I AM the LORD thy God.) Isaiah 43:2 KJV
How amazing it is to trust God enough to pray and then end with "not my will, but Thy will be done." Remember, Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemene for "this cup to pass". Matt. 26:39 (& repeated in vs 42) "Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Well, those are my musings for now. I am being filled in about those five days by friends and co-workers who visited me. They tell me what they remember. I don't remember much of the details.
A couple of weeks later I was dwelling on the vision of the three little girls, the two fish being thrown back into the water and the one angel remaining. I believe God revealed the meaning to me. During the same weekend I was in the hospital, two other dear friends were taken to the hospital. They are very ill. Will one of us be taken home to heaven and the other two have to remain behind until their purpose has been fulfilled?
I am ever grateful to my loving husband who stayed by my side throughout the seemingly endless long days. I love you, Tim. This was a hard time for you as well, I know. "For better, or for worse" you promised forty one and a half years ago. Wow, how is that possible? Seems like only a few. Thank you.
And thank you, God for not giving up on me.
I have said numerous times that I would "never" go to the emergency room. I have explicitly instructed my family and my co-workers to respect that wish. I would "always" know how to take care of myself and I have a wonderful doctor if I should need her.
I recently had to visit the emergency room at the hospital where I work. I was so ill that I had to be admitted for treatment.
I honestly remember very little of those five days. At times the pain, nausea and dizzyness were so bad I just wanted to lie still with my eyes closed. When a nurse would give me pain medicine I drifted in and out of reality. At the time I didn't care.
I was never afraid. I know Jesus was right with me because I saw him. When that first morning dawned I was moved from the emergency room to a room on the third floor. My husband left for awhile to go home and take a shower. I was alone waiting to be taken for a CT scan.
I watched out the window as dawn broke. It was a beautiful day. The skies changed from pale pink hues to soft blue with puffy white clouds. The lights had been turned off because of my severe headache. A nurse came into my room and asked if I wanted the blinds closed. I declined. I hate being inside and having the blinds drawn in the daytime. When I am working most of my patients keep their rooms darkened. It makes me feel like I am in a cave and unable to tell if it's day or night.
I turned on my side and looked at the sky. It was a beautiful day. I just remember telling God that I knew He was with me, and praying for the pain, nausea and dizziness to stop.
I looked out the window at the fluffy clouds. In the right lower quarter of the window I saw a perfectly formed picture of Jesus reaching for three beautiful little girls. They had their arms stretched out towards him as well. They were all smiling. Directly behind them were two fishermen who resembled disciples. Their hands were reaching out in the oposite direction and they were each releasing a fish back into the water. I remember thinking how odd that was. Directly over Jesus and the girls was a cloud formation with a rainbow shape cut out of the middle of it. When I looked back down at the first pictures I had seen they were gone. Then in the middle of the window appeared a perfect "Precious Moments" little girl angel. As I continued to watch closely an aligator appeared in the upper left corner of the window, then a wolf facing him. I closed my eyes tightly and said to myself "I am done watching this!"
I turned away from the window then. I wonder what I missed by turning away?
The CT scan was done, a spinal tap, x-rays, blood tests, MRI, another CT, an echocardiogram and more blood tests.
Sometime on Sunday as I watched a nurse take my vital signs I noticed that the pulse oximeter reading was consistantly low. Instead of the normal 97%-100% it showed a reading in the 80- 90% range. Odd, I thought. It must be a mistake.
As the day went on, I was given an inspirometer to encourage me to take deep breaths. I regularly teach my patients how to use it correctly and "no problem," I thought. I could not take a deep breath. By 4:30 PM I was placed on oxygen but the reading remained low. My mind struggled to work through the fog of pain and pain medicine. I began to feel alarmed. I wondered how long a person could remain hypoxic without permanent damage to the brain and vital organs. When the night nurse came in to check vital signs I saw the oxygen saturation was now 78%. She scolded me that I had better start using the inspirometer. I tried again but could not take a deep breath.I told her I couldn't breathe. She said she would check on me in a little while and added "well, you're talking, so you're breathing." Tim, my friend Ann and her husband were with me at the time and they also heard the conversation. I didn't imagine it.
I rationalized in my mind that when someone is hypoxic they tend to be irritable and anxious which I definitely was! So I took matters into my own hands and frantically tried to think of someone who could help me. I called the nursing unit I work on, labor and delivery, and told the charge nurse that I needed help. Meanwhile Tim had gone out to the nurses station to find someone to help me.
Within minutes Sheila was in my room, evaluated the situation and left. Soon after that she returned with the Nursing Supervisor and one of my doctors who just happened to be nearby. Dr K came into the room followed by a respiratory therapist. After two nebulizer treatments were given I was transferred to ICU. Thankfully after appropriate care and meds were given I began to breathe much better.
That night I heard the most wonderful music playing softly in the background. I recognized hymns, choruses, old Negro Spirituals, and contemporary Christian music. Sometimes there were voices singing, sometimes just instrumental music. I asked two nurses and a tech to tell me where it was coming from, but they kept saying "there isn't any music." Then I realized where it came from and smiled. After graduation from ICU I remember lifting my head a bit to listen when they took me to another room to see if the music followed me and it was there.
I had felt peace during the days of sickness prior to, and the five days of hospitalization. Well, to be honest there was some frustration because I am a nurse. I love helping people and taking care of them. I don't like to be the patient. I had yet another opportunity to learn to cease striving, lift my open hands to God and trust Him to "work all things together for my good" Romans 8:28 I yielded my control of the situation that I never really had. It does no good to refute the purposes of God anyway, right?
I never felt angry because I was sick. I remember people having said "why me?" when something bad happened. "Well, why NOT me?" is a quote I have heard by Joni Erickson-Tada about her spinal injury resulting in quadriplegia. Life happens. It is not up to us to "tell God " how we want our life to go. It is the Master Potter who takes our "clay" and molds it into a vessel which will accomplish the purpose for which we have been created. I know that in times of testing I have come through stronger and felt even closer to God. This was no exception. I did pray when I was able to. Mostly I prayed for the pain to go away. I know He honored those prayers and that He heard your prayers on my behalf as well. Two times when I was sleeping I felt an evil presence and could see menacing shadowy figures gathering around my bed. I did not feel fear. I was annoyed. I rebuked their sorry butts and called out for Jesus. They disappeared.
I believe this was a joint trial for all of us and those who were praying for me are awesome warriors in prayer and faith!!!!
I truely believe that this age is drawing to a close and Satan is fighting for all he is worth because he knows it. I am facinated as I read the prophets, the minor prophets, Genesis, John, and Revelation about God's plan for redemption. After our small group had studied about the Sacrificial system, the Feasts and the Old and New Covenant I began to realize how much Jesus actually did for us to complete our redemtion. It is priceless. I am so amazed by it that I can't explain.I am in awe of a God who is above and beyond anything we could ever imagine with our human understanding. I hope this doesn't sound trite. I am very humbled and inexpressably greatful.
Isaiah 40:12 "Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? " NIV
We serve a BIG God. We SERVE a big God. He is not here so that He can grant us every wish and whim or for us to "advise" Him about what we think He should do. His plan is so much bigger than our little sphere of an "it's all about me" world. He is painting the master piece when we can only see what's directly in front of us.
Now, do I believe God can heal? Absolutely. He does heal. He has intervened in my life and many others that I know of. Is He willing? I believe He sometimes is, but I also believe sometimes He has a higher purpose. When we pray sometimes He gives us what we ask for much as a parent will give in to a child that keeps asking over and over for something. Even if the parent knows that it isn't in the best interest of the child they relent and hope the child will learn from their mistakes and poor choices. Those of you who are in "Sister Chicks" know the expression "how many times will we go around that mountain before we let God move us onward in our walk?" (Israell in the Desert for 40 years) I beleive that God delivers His people from trials sometimes, and sometimes He chooses to walk through trials with us. "When thou passest through the waters, I [will be] with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." (for I AM the LORD thy God.) Isaiah 43:2 KJV
How amazing it is to trust God enough to pray and then end with "not my will, but Thy will be done." Remember, Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemene for "this cup to pass". Matt. 26:39 (& repeated in vs 42) "Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Well, those are my musings for now. I am being filled in about those five days by friends and co-workers who visited me. They tell me what they remember. I don't remember much of the details.
A couple of weeks later I was dwelling on the vision of the three little girls, the two fish being thrown back into the water and the one angel remaining. I believe God revealed the meaning to me. During the same weekend I was in the hospital, two other dear friends were taken to the hospital. They are very ill. Will one of us be taken home to heaven and the other two have to remain behind until their purpose has been fulfilled?
I am ever grateful to my loving husband who stayed by my side throughout the seemingly endless long days. I love you, Tim. This was a hard time for you as well, I know. "For better, or for worse" you promised forty one and a half years ago. Wow, how is that possible? Seems like only a few. Thank you.
And thank you, God for not giving up on me.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
About Esther
I typed up an email to share my thoughts,but I somehow touched something on the keyboard and it disappeared into cyberspace- again! (Technology is not my friend, but it is my servant when it's not rebelling ; )
Anyway, I am so blessed by the book of Esther. Esther was granted the position of King Xerxes' queen for "such a time as this".
God wants all of us to grow and not remain stagnant in our testimonies. What He once did in our life is only a stepping stone for what He wants to continue to do. He is doing new things every day. We have to remain in touch daily with Him through His word and by "talking to Him" in prayer. He jealously desires an intimate relationship and communication with you. He has created you for a purpose, and I promise you He is not finished with you yet! By HIs grace He is ever patient with us. After all, He has all the time in eternity, we as humans, do not.
As we see in Esther, God put her where she was for His purpose, but she had to be willing to do what was required to save her people (Esther 4:14 (Mordecai to Esther) "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise from another place ...and who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?"
So, if God has something for you to do it is up to you to accept or refuse. You do have a choice. He gave us all a free will. His will is going to be accomplished, but oh what a blessing you will miss out on if someone else has to fulfill your purpose!
Romans 15:4 is a nugget of wisdom. When I looked it up, I saw that it was another passage of h-o-p-e! "For everything that was written in the past (Esther, included) was written to teach us so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope"
How cool is that? Rates right up there for me with Romans 8:28 and Ephesians 1:11
Sisterchick-ism "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." By Anne Bradstreet,a Puritan who became the author of the first published book of poetry by an American (my tho't- and a woman with "Esther-ogen" = )
Anyway, I am so blessed by the book of Esther. Esther was granted the position of King Xerxes' queen for "such a time as this".
God wants all of us to grow and not remain stagnant in our testimonies. What He once did in our life is only a stepping stone for what He wants to continue to do. He is doing new things every day. We have to remain in touch daily with Him through His word and by "talking to Him" in prayer. He jealously desires an intimate relationship and communication with you. He has created you for a purpose, and I promise you He is not finished with you yet! By HIs grace He is ever patient with us. After all, He has all the time in eternity, we as humans, do not.
As we see in Esther, God put her where she was for His purpose, but she had to be willing to do what was required to save her people (Esther 4:14 (Mordecai to Esther) "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise from another place ...and who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?"
So, if God has something for you to do it is up to you to accept or refuse. You do have a choice. He gave us all a free will. His will is going to be accomplished, but oh what a blessing you will miss out on if someone else has to fulfill your purpose!
Romans 15:4 is a nugget of wisdom. When I looked it up, I saw that it was another passage of h-o-p-e! "For everything that was written in the past (Esther, included) was written to teach us so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope"
How cool is that? Rates right up there for me with Romans 8:28 and Ephesians 1:11
Sisterchick-ism "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." By Anne Bradstreet,a Puritan who became the author of the first published book of poetry by an American (my tho't- and a woman with "Esther-ogen" = )
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
It's Not Personal
Often I get caught up in the drama of someone else's "issues" and feel frustration or anger rising in me.
Not long ago, someone I have to deal with on a regular basis just put me over the edge of my patience. I can't avoid that person because I have to work with them. And they have more authority than I do.
That particular day, their attitude was my last straw.
Fortunately, I have learned the lesson of keeping my mouth shut, hard as it is at those times.
I went off where I could be alone for a few minutes, and just laid my case before God. It went something like this: "Oh God! Did you see what that person did to me- and did you hear what they said???? Did you notice, by the way, that it was in front of other people and I was mortified. Fix their attitude please! I have to work with them! I wish I could retire, and then I could have peace in my life."(......mumble, whine, complain....)
Immediately, I "heard" a voice, more of a knowing, in my head that said clearly "It's not personal!"
What? Yes, it's personal to me! Ah,...a feeling I can't describe came over me. I heard a still, small voice that said "Be still, and know that I Am God." Psalms 46:10 A scripture I had memorized as a child came into my head at that moment and my frustration and anger melted.I asked God to change my attitude.
Another memory of a song written by a man from KPC, a church we belonged to in VA Beach came to mind. "Give me a soft heart,open eyes , an ear to hear what Your Spirit says." Lyle Helmick is a man who could write songs that pierced your heart, and showed you what was inside of you. I found his CD and listened over and over.
God continued my lesson in my head. "What other people do and are 'getting away' with is not your business. You are responsible for your heart's attitude; they are responsible for theirs."
Oh. My frustration deflated as a balloon does when the helium has gone out.
I see. Ok. Powerful lesson.
I began to say to myself over and over "it's not personal, it's not personal, it's not personal- until I began to believe it. I was amazed at how light my heart was, I felt joy again when I went to work, instead of dread. Because I love what I do, it's what I was created to do and I do it passionately and compassionately. It's who I am.
I found myself saying it out loud, and my director/ manager heard me. She stopped, and looked at me a moment, then grinned. "It's not personal" she repeated. I smiled back.
It has made a positive impact at my workplace on the morale of the whole unit. My manager wrote me a beautiful thank you note. It had touched her heart as well.
It wasn't me. It's what I allowed God to do in and through me. He is not finished making me into the woman of God He created me to be- right here, right now, in this place and time in history- until I die. I am willing. He is my Yaweh Shalom- God of peace.
Not long ago, someone I have to deal with on a regular basis just put me over the edge of my patience. I can't avoid that person because I have to work with them. And they have more authority than I do.
That particular day, their attitude was my last straw.
Fortunately, I have learned the lesson of keeping my mouth shut, hard as it is at those times.
I went off where I could be alone for a few minutes, and just laid my case before God. It went something like this: "Oh God! Did you see what that person did to me- and did you hear what they said???? Did you notice, by the way, that it was in front of other people and I was mortified. Fix their attitude please! I have to work with them! I wish I could retire, and then I could have peace in my life."(......mumble, whine, complain....)
Immediately, I "heard" a voice, more of a knowing, in my head that said clearly "It's not personal!"
What? Yes, it's personal to me! Ah,...a feeling I can't describe came over me. I heard a still, small voice that said "Be still, and know that I Am God." Psalms 46:10 A scripture I had memorized as a child came into my head at that moment and my frustration and anger melted.I asked God to change my attitude.
Another memory of a song written by a man from KPC, a church we belonged to in VA Beach came to mind. "Give me a soft heart,open eyes , an ear to hear what Your Spirit says." Lyle Helmick is a man who could write songs that pierced your heart, and showed you what was inside of you. I found his CD and listened over and over.
God continued my lesson in my head. "What other people do and are 'getting away' with is not your business. You are responsible for your heart's attitude; they are responsible for theirs."
Oh. My frustration deflated as a balloon does when the helium has gone out.
I see. Ok. Powerful lesson.
I began to say to myself over and over "it's not personal, it's not personal, it's not personal- until I began to believe it. I was amazed at how light my heart was, I felt joy again when I went to work, instead of dread. Because I love what I do, it's what I was created to do and I do it passionately and compassionately. It's who I am.
I found myself saying it out loud, and my director/ manager heard me. She stopped, and looked at me a moment, then grinned. "It's not personal" she repeated. I smiled back.
It has made a positive impact at my workplace on the morale of the whole unit. My manager wrote me a beautiful thank you note. It had touched her heart as well.
It wasn't me. It's what I allowed God to do in and through me. He is not finished making me into the woman of God He created me to be- right here, right now, in this place and time in history- until I die. I am willing. He is my Yaweh Shalom- God of peace.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friends
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
In today's superficial and hectic society having a friend like this is indeed rare. What a wonderful comfort it would be to know that no matter how bad your circumstances may be, you could pick up the phone and that friend would be available.
You could share the cry of your heart without fear of reprimand such as "you shouldn't feel that way."
You could talk until there were just no words left, and that friend would not interrupt you. After you had poured out your heart, they wouldn't say, "well, this is what happened to me today" or worse, "you should do this or that....." That said, you would know that they hadn't really been listening.
A true friend will sit in silence and share your grief, will cry with you, laugh with you, celebrate your joys and not be critical of the frustration you feel. But, a true friend will also speak the truth in love, and you will receive it because you can trust them.
And you will do the same for them.
It is quite a committment. It takes time. It takes energy. It is a sacrifice of love. It makes you vulnerable. It's risky. The rewards of a "soft heart" as opposed to a "hardened heart" allows your character to be molded and shaped into the man or woman of God that He has created you to be. And there is such peace and contentment in that.
Give up the hard feelings, resentment, bitterness, pain and sorrow to the God who sees and knows everything about you. Lift up your open hands and let them go. Picture the "stuff" that has anchored your soul floating as a balloon up to the heavens. Feel the freedom of trusting the God who is that unfailing Friend, who cares about every detail of your life, and will never abandon you.
In today's superficial and hectic society having a friend like this is indeed rare. What a wonderful comfort it would be to know that no matter how bad your circumstances may be, you could pick up the phone and that friend would be available.
You could share the cry of your heart without fear of reprimand such as "you shouldn't feel that way."
You could talk until there were just no words left, and that friend would not interrupt you. After you had poured out your heart, they wouldn't say, "well, this is what happened to me today" or worse, "you should do this or that....." That said, you would know that they hadn't really been listening.
A true friend will sit in silence and share your grief, will cry with you, laugh with you, celebrate your joys and not be critical of the frustration you feel. But, a true friend will also speak the truth in love, and you will receive it because you can trust them.
And you will do the same for them.
It is quite a committment. It takes time. It takes energy. It is a sacrifice of love. It makes you vulnerable. It's risky. The rewards of a "soft heart" as opposed to a "hardened heart" allows your character to be molded and shaped into the man or woman of God that He has created you to be. And there is such peace and contentment in that.
Give up the hard feelings, resentment, bitterness, pain and sorrow to the God who sees and knows everything about you. Lift up your open hands and let them go. Picture the "stuff" that has anchored your soul floating as a balloon up to the heavens. Feel the freedom of trusting the God who is that unfailing Friend, who cares about every detail of your life, and will never abandon you.
And perhaps you will be blessed to also find a human friend, who will be "Jesus with skin on" who will remind you of these things when you can't see beyond you current situation.Someone who can "sing the song back to you, when you have forgotten the words."
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Help!
Have you ever been in the grip of crippling depression? It sucks the very breath out of you. It pierces your heart and makes you unable to think, process information, function.
Because of the hope I have in the God of creation, these episodes don't last as long as they used to. The Bible verses I have memorized since childhood "pop" into my brain just when I need them. It reminds me of a line from a movie "Gifted Hands" about a pediatric neurosurgeon from Johns Hopkins medical Center named Ben Carson. His mother told him as he studied and studied "You don't need the book. The book is inside you!"
I am grateful for having memorized scripture verses. The book IS inside me, and when dark days come, God speaks to me in my inmost being to give me hope.
As I walked my dog this morning, the verse "I will lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.......the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now, and forevermore." Psalms 121: 1-8
So, I lifted my eyes and I SAW : A magnificent blue heron catch a fish and eat it, a pelican circle and dive into the water after a fish (I secretly prayed for him to catch one, but he didn't =), a cormorant on the shore with wings stretched out to dry in the sun, two snowy white egrets take flight and sail into the cloudless blue sky. I heard the hawk's cry and the call of the flock of Black Hooded Conures coming to the feeder in my back yard. (they LOVE black oil sunflower seeds= ) And I pondered the wonder of a family of four Bald Eagles who have apparently take up residence somewhere in the field by the river in my back yard! Never in my wildest dreams have ever dreamed I would live in such a place. And my heart was filled anew with the awe of God, who created this world and everything in it intricately detailed and designed for us to enjoy with Him.
Let everything that has breath, praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6
Because of the hope I have in the God of creation, these episodes don't last as long as they used to. The Bible verses I have memorized since childhood "pop" into my brain just when I need them. It reminds me of a line from a movie "Gifted Hands" about a pediatric neurosurgeon from Johns Hopkins medical Center named Ben Carson. His mother told him as he studied and studied "You don't need the book. The book is inside you!"
I am grateful for having memorized scripture verses. The book IS inside me, and when dark days come, God speaks to me in my inmost being to give me hope.
As I walked my dog this morning, the verse "I will lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.......the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now, and forevermore." Psalms 121: 1-8
So, I lifted my eyes and I SAW : A magnificent blue heron catch a fish and eat it, a pelican circle and dive into the water after a fish (I secretly prayed for him to catch one, but he didn't =), a cormorant on the shore with wings stretched out to dry in the sun, two snowy white egrets take flight and sail into the cloudless blue sky. I heard the hawk's cry and the call of the flock of Black Hooded Conures coming to the feeder in my back yard. (they LOVE black oil sunflower seeds= ) And I pondered the wonder of a family of four Bald Eagles who have apparently take up residence somewhere in the field by the river in my back yard! Never in my wildest dreams have ever dreamed I would live in such a place. And my heart was filled anew with the awe of God, who created this world and everything in it intricately detailed and designed for us to enjoy with Him.
Let everything that has breath, praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
"normal"
Recently a good friend said to me that she hoped things would return to normal soon.
So, what is "normal" anyway? Looking back on my life "normal" was specific to the years or times when "routine" became "normal" for awhile. It was comfortable and predictable. I liked it that way.
But it never stays that way for very long, does it?
There are more times now than ever before in my life when I feel that I have been stretched too far and will break at any moment. I cry out to God that I can't stretch any farther. I am breaking.
And patiently He gives me the grace to go through another trial. I know that it is at those times when my faith, my trust in Him grows stronger. And I am reminded again that my hope will be fulfilled when my life here is over.
I have to let go of my belief that I can control the circumstances in my life. I have to open my hands and lift up my will to the One who gave me this life and put me in this place, right here, right now for ".......such a time as this." (Esther 4: 14)
Deuteronomy 31:8 "But Adonai (The Lord God) - it is He who will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you, so don't be afraid or downhearted."
Thank God that He never changes.
Hebrews 13:8 "Yeshua the Messiah (Jesus the Christ) is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
So, what is "normal" anyway? Looking back on my life "normal" was specific to the years or times when "routine" became "normal" for awhile. It was comfortable and predictable. I liked it that way.
But it never stays that way for very long, does it?
There are more times now than ever before in my life when I feel that I have been stretched too far and will break at any moment. I cry out to God that I can't stretch any farther. I am breaking.
And patiently He gives me the grace to go through another trial. I know that it is at those times when my faith, my trust in Him grows stronger. And I am reminded again that my hope will be fulfilled when my life here is over.
I have to let go of my belief that I can control the circumstances in my life. I have to open my hands and lift up my will to the One who gave me this life and put me in this place, right here, right now for ".......such a time as this." (Esther 4: 14)
Deuteronomy 31:8 "But Adonai (The Lord God) - it is He who will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you, so don't be afraid or downhearted."
Thank God that He never changes.
Hebrews 13:8 "Yeshua the Messiah (Jesus the Christ) is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
Friday, February 4, 2011
Faith is trust
Faith. Simple word. I was raised in a Christian home, so faith was always familiar.
But what is faith? I recently was given a copy of the Complete Jewish Bible to add to my reference material.
In it I have discovered more understanding of the Hebrew mindset and intent of the familiar verses I have in my memory bank. But what does it really mean?
"Trust" is the translation's chosen word. And I can understand trust. Determining that you completely rely on a specific thing- such as a bridge to get you across a river, or a person/ friend who you can share your most intimate thoughts with. You trust the bridge will get you safely across. You trust that your friend will keep your secrets safe and not criticize, judge or condemn you; will allow you the freedom to be who you are. Will give advice if asked, will remain silent if you need a sympathetic ear.
God is that Friend. The best part is knowing I can always find Him- He is always with me, and I know He cares.
Even though I go through hard times, emotional turmoils, ecstatic joy, fear, doubt, disabling depression; I TRUST Him. Romans 8:28 "God works ALL things together for the good of those who TURST Him and are called according to His purpose." (NIV)Even when I don't see beyond my failings or the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know He can see the whole picture of my life. I know He is orchestrating everything to work out for good. Even if I die without seeing the fulfilment of my hope, I trust Him.
But what is faith? I recently was given a copy of the Complete Jewish Bible to add to my reference material.
In it I have discovered more understanding of the Hebrew mindset and intent of the familiar verses I have in my memory bank. But what does it really mean?
"Trust" is the translation's chosen word. And I can understand trust. Determining that you completely rely on a specific thing- such as a bridge to get you across a river, or a person/ friend who you can share your most intimate thoughts with. You trust the bridge will get you safely across. You trust that your friend will keep your secrets safe and not criticize, judge or condemn you; will allow you the freedom to be who you are. Will give advice if asked, will remain silent if you need a sympathetic ear.
God is that Friend. The best part is knowing I can always find Him- He is always with me, and I know He cares.
Even though I go through hard times, emotional turmoils, ecstatic joy, fear, doubt, disabling depression; I TRUST Him. Romans 8:28 "God works ALL things together for the good of those who TURST Him and are called according to His purpose." (NIV)Even when I don't see beyond my failings or the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know He can see the whole picture of my life. I know He is orchestrating everything to work out for good. Even if I die without seeing the fulfilment of my hope, I trust Him.
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